Today's word is Spatula
SpaTula
It's supposedly some sort of useful kitchen utensil... but I know it's actually a more poisonous relative of the Tarantula!
Not only is it more poisonous but it is also proven to be quite well adapted to life in the kitchen ecosystem. It blends in easily with other utensils (beware of which others may or may not be venomous invertebrates) and is also both flexible, and heat-resistant!
These facts you may find scary, but hold on to your nostrils, because you're about to learn that they are intelligent too!
They are intelligent too!
You ok?
Good.
Watch out there's a Spatula behind you!
Yeah, I'm joking - if a Spatula was really out to get you, you would never know it until after you're dead... which brings up many theological debates over death, consciousness, meaning of life, etc. But none of that concerns the Spatula - for it is a fearful killing machine!
Why then, do we all have one in our homes?
Because they're up to something.
For years they've been planting themselves in our kitchens, one in every house, stationed... waiting for the signal.
How do I know this?
Because I saw through my spatula's plans... I left one in the frying pan too long and it began to melt - thinking it was being interrogated it started to tell me everything... until I realised I should have taken it out of the frying pan too late. One down... millions to go.
One last thing - yes it seems obvious now that Spatulas are related to Tarantulas... it's only logical - but we never thought of it before due to them erasing all thoughts about them... but just one last thought, try to hold on to this one before you sleep, it's the only way to hold on to the memories before they reset your brains:
Spatula... Tarantula... Dracula...
Friday, 27 May 2011
Monday, 23 May 2011
Gnarls Barkley Crazy Theremin Jam
I love Gnarls Barkley, especially his song Crazy! (also check out his version of Crazy done in Star Wars costumes - sexy!)
I also love Theremins.
Fangasmic:
Fangasmic:
Friday, 20 May 2011
Awkward
Awkward
Awk Ward
Aw Kward
Awkward.
It really does describe itself.
According to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/awkward
it derives from Awk - meaning backhanded, and that good old reliable suffix -ward.
It can mean lacking skill, dexterity, grace in movement or social skills. Basically a Gumby.
And apparently it first came into wordness in the 14th century - a period of history famous for... not much.
* Tenochtitlan was founded in this period by people known for giving cities awkward names... perhaps they were looking for a word to describe the name of their city as most people were unable to pronounce it. "Where do you live?" "Tenoch... Tenock... Tentocl... Awkward City"
* The Hundred Years War began... which was awkward enough, people found it difficult to get motivated to go to war when you know it's just going to go for another 99 years, I mean - I won't even be around to see it, might as well just sit home.
* It was the time when The Black Death killed off 30-60% of Europe's population, in which time the census needed to tally such figures would have been conducted awkwardly ("I'm not dead"), due to people dropping off in the middle of filling out their forms ("I feel happy!"), and the delays from the post office ("I think I'd like to go for a walk") and the Census Grand Master's own infection due to having had to visit every sick person himself in the end ("I feel fine."). It's no wonder the statistics were so vague in the end.
* There was also the Great Schism of the West, in which point there were 3 Popes. Awkward. Who got the pointy hat? Who got the Popemobile? Who got the Sheaphardess' Crook? Timeshare I suppose.
Awkward is a truly autological word - it describes itself. and in fact if you use the sentence "The word awkward is an awkward word" then you are on your first steps to madness :-D
Welcome.
Awk Ward
Aw Kward
Awkward.
It really does describe itself.
According to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/awkward
it derives from Awk - meaning backhanded, and that good old reliable suffix -ward.
It can mean lacking skill, dexterity, grace in movement or social skills. Basically a Gumby.
And apparently it first came into wordness in the 14th century - a period of history famous for... not much.
* Tenochtitlan was founded in this period by people known for giving cities awkward names... perhaps they were looking for a word to describe the name of their city as most people were unable to pronounce it. "Where do you live?" "Tenoch... Tenock... Tentocl... Awkward City"
* The Hundred Years War began... which was awkward enough, people found it difficult to get motivated to go to war when you know it's just going to go for another 99 years, I mean - I won't even be around to see it, might as well just sit home.
* It was the time when The Black Death killed off 30-60% of Europe's population, in which time the census needed to tally such figures would have been conducted awkwardly ("I'm not dead"), due to people dropping off in the middle of filling out their forms ("I feel happy!"), and the delays from the post office ("I think I'd like to go for a walk") and the Census Grand Master's own infection due to having had to visit every sick person himself in the end ("I feel fine."). It's no wonder the statistics were so vague in the end.
* There was also the Great Schism of the West, in which point there were 3 Popes. Awkward. Who got the pointy hat? Who got the Popemobile? Who got the Sheaphardess' Crook? Timeshare I suppose.
Awkward is a truly autological word - it describes itself. and in fact if you use the sentence "The word awkward is an awkward word" then you are on your first steps to madness :-D
Welcome.
So...
Blogging in the beginning... seems to be a bit like talking to someone for the first time when you really don't know them very well... which is very much like me to you now. I am talking at you, and don't know what it is that you are going to be interested in be talked at about.
In fact, it's very much like talking to an attractive person of one's preferred gender(s) when you don't know them very well. I am talking at you, and want to impress you with the words that I am saying, so that you will continue to want to read more words by me, and am fearfully afraid of you not being interested in such words.
Disclaimer: I am at no point suggesting, implying, nor inciting any furtherance of this metaphor.
The League of Metaphors Gone Too Far (LoMGTF) has some things to say bout that... many things in fact. They are about as prolific as a very prolific organisation, keen to do its' duty.
Thursday, 19 May 2011
First!
First!
Why do people post 'First' on comments for blogs, comments on statuses or news articles on Facebook and the like?
Does it give them a sense of satisfaction?
Is it something important to do before you die?
If so - what happened to the souls of all those poor people that died before the Internet and the ability to write 'first!' on something?
Are they doomed to the deepest pits of Heck for the rest of existence?
Or was it acceptable to just have written the word first at some point in their pathetic lives?
If we look at those ancient Neolithic cave paintings depicting Aurochs and humans playing gleefuly together in Franceland, will there be a little '1st!' scribble below it?
Whatever the answer to these questions, I've fulfilled my destiny here, today.
Why do people post 'First' on comments for blogs, comments on statuses or news articles on Facebook and the like?
Does it give them a sense of satisfaction?
Is it something important to do before you die?
If so - what happened to the souls of all those poor people that died before the Internet and the ability to write 'first!' on something?
Are they doomed to the deepest pits of Heck for the rest of existence?
Or was it acceptable to just have written the word first at some point in their pathetic lives?
If we look at those ancient Neolithic cave paintings depicting Aurochs and humans playing gleefuly together in Franceland, will there be a little '1st!' scribble below it?
Whatever the answer to these questions, I've fulfilled my destiny here, today.
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