Spatula

Today's word is Spatula
SpaTula

It's supposedly some sort of useful kitchen utensil... but I know it's actually a more poisonous relative of the Tarantula!
Not only is it more poisonous but it is also proven to be quite well adapted to life in the kitchen ecosystem. It blends in easily with other utensils (beware of which others may or may not be venomous invertebrates) and is also both flexible, and heat-resistant!
These facts you may find scary, but hold on to your nostrils, because you're about to learn that they are intelligent too!
They are intelligent too!
You ok?
Good.
Watch out there's a Spatula behind you!
Yeah, I'm joking - if a Spatula was really out to get you, you would never know it until after you're dead... which brings up many theological debates over death, consciousness, meaning of life, etc. But none of that concerns the Spatula - for it is a fearful killing machine!

Why then, do we all have one in our homes?
Because they're up to something.
For years they've been planting themselves in our kitchens, one in every house, stationed... waiting for the signal.

How do I know this?
Because I saw through my spatula's plans... I left one in the frying pan too long and it began to melt - thinking it was being interrogated it started to tell me everything... until I realised I should have taken it out of the frying pan too late. One down... millions to go.

One last thing - yes it seems obvious now that Spatulas are related to Tarantulas... it's only logical - but we never thought of it before due to them erasing all thoughts about them... but just one last thought, try to hold on to this one before you sleep, it's the only way to hold on to the memories before they reset your brains:
Spatula... Tarantula... Dracula...